


Please, Forgive My Transgressions

by ladylovinloser



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Child Abuse, DoYouThinkThisIsAFuckingGame, F/F, Read the Disclaimer, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Trigger Warnings
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-03-18 00:36:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13670604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladylovinloser/pseuds/ladylovinloser
Summary: Pretty much the same story as the show, except Krypton was much more violent than anyone knew.Kara had shut out the memories of her abuse purely out of childhood trauma, grief and the idolization she has for her parents and her culture. All the years in the Phantom Zone helped to keep her memories buried by fabricating dreams of a better world. That is the case until her true memories are triggered by rescuing a child abuse victim and Kara struggles with the reality of her past and who she is now.TLDR; Kara reverts to her submissive alien-self. Practicing Kryptonian rituals of self-punishment and basically being very, very fucked up.Trigger Warnings for Child Abuse, Self-Punishment, Self-Harm, and Suicide. Do not read if you are triggered easily as this is going to be rough. Please, consider your mental state before reading this and if you have any thoughts about suicide and/or self-harm, I will list a number of suicide hotlines and resources for you all. If you are in immediate danger please call emergency services.-	Stay safe and stay classy!





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger Warnings for Child Abuse, Self-Punishment, Self-Harm, and Suicide. Do not read if you are triggered easily as this is going to be rough. Please, consider your mental state before reading this and if you have any thoughts about suicide and/or self-harm, I will list a number of suicide hotlines and resources for you all. If you are in immediate danger please call emergency services.
> 
> I do not own anything blah, blah, blah - disclaimer - blah, blah - enjoy!
> 
> \- Stay safe and stay classy!

National City was amidst the calmest day they had, had this year. No major robberies, no muggings, not even an instance of road rage was reported.

“I don’t trust this.”

“Alex, come on its so peaceful today, just be grateful!”

Short brunette hair swung back and forth as Alex shook her head in solemn denial. “Nope, don’t trust it. Something is going to happen today.”

The blonde standing next to her scoffs in disbelief. “Pfft, how could you possibly know that? I mean unless you got some crazy new fortune-telling power that I don’t know about.” Alex looks at her unamused before raising one eyebrow.

“Wait, do you-“ Kara begins eagerly, leaning forward in excitement and surprise.

Alex sighs in exasperation. “No, dork. I can’t feel it. In my gut.” Kara looks down at Alex’s stomach with a slight smirk before poking her sister’s unguarded tummy teasingly.

“Well tell your all-seeing belly to knock it off. This is a beautiful day and I intend to take advantage.”

Alex glares at Kara murderously after swatting away the offending hand. “I don’t have a belly.”

“Okay, grump. Tell that to the empanadas on 5th and 2nd.” Alex groans in frustration, they are really good empanadas.

“Fine. You got me. Let’s enjoy this stupid day.” Kara laughs in victory, gaining multiple half smiles from the surrounding agents. Alex’s glare, however, sends them scurrying back to their stoic selves.

“Wait, don’t you have a job?” The oldest Danvers questions. She grabs onto the sleeve of her sister’s blue supersuit, stopping the hero in her tracks. 

Kara flushes slightly. “Yeah,’ she squeaks, ‘I mean yeah. I just – have the day off?” Alex tilts her head, half inquisitively and half condescendingly.

“Oh, God. What did you do?” Kara awkwardly laughs a little too loud and rubs the back of her neck with her right hand, trying to stave off the oncoming blush.

It doesn’t work.

“I may have – possibly - broke the copier. And then the phone. And then Lena’s favorite glass. And th-“ Alex groans loudly, cutting off the mountain of expenses she knows the DEO will have to cover. “Let me guess, Lena gave you the day off.”

“Lena gave me the day off.” Kara parrots back at her sister.

“Typical.”

 

* * *

 

Unfortunately, after eating an obscene amount of Mexican food, they were called in. Kara felt this was just cause to heckle her dear sister. Cuttingly she snarked, “You jinxed it, Alex!” The retaliating smack echoed in the apartment and an overly dramatic gasp followed.

After much struggle and griping on both of their parts, the food coma victims – reluctantly - reported for duty. Food babies and all.

“So, what’s the stitch?” Supergirl questions goofily, dropping Alex on the floor after flying them both to the DEO. Kara looks refreshed and ready to work while Alex stumbles somewhat, frazzled from the mixture of her full stomach and Kara’s high speeds.

J’onn raises an eyebrow at the two sisters. “Are you ready for action, Alex? You look a little green. Though I am happy you are taking after me,’ J’onn quips, ‘I am concerned you might a little unprepared for this mission.” Alex groans slightly and stands straighter. “Yes, I am ready for duty. I just ate a little too much food, sir. It was just a little sisterly competition.”

J’onn looks skeptical at this explanation. “When have you two ever been known to engage in friendly competition?”

Alex and Kara look at each other with something akin to a challenge mixed with admiration. “Never, sir.” Alex replies making Kara chuckle fondly. J’onn examines the two, getting a rough idea of what had transpired.

Winn speaks up, confirming J’onn suspicions. “Eating competition?” Kara snorts in conformation. “Guess who won.” The laugh that follows is nothing short of maniacal, Alex remains stoic.

“I didn’t go down without a fight.”

“You did your belly proud, Lex. There’s no shame in that.” Kara says while draping her arm around her shoulders, trying to mitigate her sister’s hurt pride.

J’onn places his hands on his hips and looks up at the ceiling in frustration. His hand reaches up to pinch the skin between his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, trying to feign off a migraine that is beginning to show its ugly head. “Alex, you are hereby off duty,’ Alex tries to cut in with indignation, ‘UNTIL you digest the rest of your food. I will not subject the second shift to cleaning up after your mess.” Alex looking quite upset concedes to the director with a single nod.

“You run a tight ship here, Director.” A velvety voice cuts in from somewhere in the room. Kara squeals in pleasure, recognizing the voice. “Lena! Why are you here?”

The CEO in question makes herself known by walking into the light shining down from the main hub of the DEO. Lena was dressed to the nines, as usual, however covering her obviously expensive black blazer-skirt combo was a pristine lab coat. Goggles hung out the pocket haphazardly as did a pair of blue gloves.

Her expression brightened as soon as she laid eyes on Kara, happy at the sight of her best friend. “Winn thought he needed a second opinion on the new DNA tracking technology he created. And I, of course, live to please.” Lena’s voice purred at the blonde who had taken her whole attention. Her smile morphed into a sadistic smirk as she watched red bloom across the young superhero’s face.

“Its always great to see you, Lena. I’m happy you are here. I really appreciate you helping us out. You have such a unique way of looking at the world, we need that. Well, I guess – I – I need that.” Now it was Lena’s turn to blush, not used to such sincerity in a compliment. The flush was made all the more intense by the look of pure adoration on Kara’s innocent face.

Alex was not impressed. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Lena, but she just recognized that look. It was the same look Maggie would give her when she wanted to engage in – numerous unspeakable adult activities.

_God dammit._

“Speaking of, Maggie, why the hell are you here too.” Alex whipped around, spotting the detective on the second-floor walkway. The lady-cop was leaned over the railway above them, enjoying the banter taking place below her. “No one was speaking about me but, okay. Same case, different shit. Also, my gaydar went off the charts like a minute ago and I think I know why.” Maggie throws a shit-eating grin at all three women now spitting out various denials and curses back at her.

“The ladies dost protest too much, methinks.” Maggie sassily quotes at them.

 “Oh, get fucked, Mags.”

“Now that is up to you sweetheart.” Maggie winks. Lena can’t help but laugh a little and Kara just stares, flitting back and forth between her sister and her girlfriend with a small frown of disgust.

“Please stop.” Kara demands. “I really don’t want to hear or imagine what is happening between you two. I’m already on edge enough going to Alex’s apartment, I really don’t want to witness it, mentally or in person.”

“Prude,’ Maggie coughs out, ‘Also come get me.” Maggie makes grabby hands towards Kara. “I don’t want to walk all the way down the stairs.” The alien glares at Maggie, wondering exactly why and how Maggie would think she’d give her a lift after being such a jerk. But then that mental question is answered when Maggie begins to climb the railing. On instinct, Kara floats up towards the _wiener_ and lowers her safely to the ground.

“Your girlfriend sucks, Alex.”

“She knows.”

Kara inhales deeply to say something but all that comes out is a simple, “Nope.”

Maggie laughs.

 

* * *

 

“So what are we looking at here Agent Schott?” J’onn questions, ready to get down to business. Seeing that the mood had changed from playful to serious.

Winn spins around in his chair, facing the larger screens hung behind him on the wall. “Well I have been tracking this syndicate – the Silicon Syndicate -  they were relatively unknown. They did typical syndicate type things, drug dealing, muggings, robberies – the usual - but as of late, they have begun to broaden their horizons by trafficking. Both humans and aliens. There has been a rise in the missing persons, reports for young girls. ‘ The screen above them alights with a number of missing persons fliers, police reports, and amber alerts, ‘Ages 6 to 18. We don’t know what they are doing with these girls specifically, but thanks to Agent Danvers’ great interrogation tactics, we have a rough - terrible idea of what is going on. And thanks to Miss Luthor,’ Winn points a finger behind him at the young CEO ‘we know where they are.” The grim silence that consumes the room after Winn finished talking is broken by the sound of something crunching.

The blonde superhero had unknowingly crushed the back of the chair she was leaning on seconds ago. She showed no signs of recognition of the destruction she had caused as her furious and determined gaze was fixed on the many innocent faces of the missing girls on the screen.

The others in the room were, of course, furious as well. Alex clenched onto Maggie’s hand with a death grip, her eyes were clouded over with rage and there was a murderous glint in her eyes. Maggie did not notice the pressure on her hand, probably because she was squeezing back just as hard. The pain was an afterthought to her at this point.

J’onn was already directing agents beside him to gear up, ready to fight at a moments notice.

And Lena, stoic as always, tightened and untightened her jaw, making the muscles harden rhythmically. Her arms were crossed in solemn defiance, ready to do anything to bring these children back home to their families.

When Winn spun around in his chair again, he noticed the group of badass individuals in similar states of terrifying anger and readiness.

“I see we’re all prepared then. Let’s take these bastards down.”


	2. Breach Please!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just take this and throw me in the trash, y'all. 2019, please spare me!

J’onn, Alex, Maggie, Lena and Winn were huddled around the glowing round table, discussing logistics and battle plans. The two agents, J’onn and Alex were ready to begin the mission at a moment’s notice. They had already changed from their civvies to their special ops gear. Alex was the first to make the change, in fact, she pretty much ran to the lockers after J’onn cleared her for duty again.

Maggie felt a little less unprepared as she just had her standard vest and gun on her, but she knew if it came down to it, the DEO would be willing to gear her up as well. Plus, lets face it, she had the most badass bodyguard and girlfriend this side of the cosmos and one _super_ badass baby sister.

Lena and Winn aka tech support were dressed the same as before, but were ready to kick cyber ass if need be.

The group occasionally made threats and dark jokes about what they were going to do to the scum they captured during their raid, trying to lessen the tension in the room and sate their need for dark humor. After a few dozen very macabre jokes and scenarios, the five got back on task figuring out the weak points of the warehouse and possible resistance they were to encounter when the DEO taskforce arrived.

The caped superhero however, stood to the side and began to memorize the faces and names of the children on the screens. When she arrived, she wanted to be able to address each of the children by name. Hopefully, this would lessen their fear and the young girls would in turn be more willing to accept the help provided by the agents and herself.

A hand placed on her shoulder made Kara tear her gaze away from the screens. She followed the manicured hand to the woman standing behind her. Gratefully, Kara placed her hand over the woman’s and held it with reverence.

“We will find them, Kara. By the end of tonight, they’ll be back home with their families, making up for lost time.” Lena assured the thoughts that were racing in Kara’s mind. This action reminded her so much of J’onn. Though the man was a mind reader, he could never gain access into her thoughts - but still - he knew what she was thinking. Perhaps it was because their pasts were so similar, and their futures are entwined, or maybe he was like Lena. Where love and friendship allowed her access into her darkest thoughts, filling her with light that is comparable to Rao’s.

Either way, her heart had hardened for the battle to come. It wasn’t that Kara was unappreciative of the comfort from her friend, but right now the dark thoughts were the ones driving her. Driving her to make sure she got each and every child home in time for dinner.

Her eyes met Lena’s compassionate gaze and knew. “Yes, we will rescue them.” Her best friend grinned with encouragement. Eye’s alight with something both familiar and foreign. Kara released her grip on Lena’s hand and fell back into her original pose, arms crossed in ire.

“But if I can’t bring them all back, even Rao himself won’t be able to stop me from what I will do to those - deplorable bastards.” Kara’s eyes looked to the floor, unwilling to meet Lena’s questioning gaze before they flitted back to the screens, continuing her memorization.

* * *

 

Winn and Lena sat at the DEO’s main hub, waiting for the verbal confirmation that Strike Teams A, B and S were in position. Empty cups of coffee were scattered on the desks they worked on, many lay on the floor forgotten. Both scientists were on their fifth or sixth cup tonight, and to be honest, they had one hell of a caffeine high.

The agents surrounding them were just back up at this point. Between the two geniuses, everything they could do had already been done. Now they just sat back monitoring their coffee level, each taking turns going to Noonan’s to get more.

“Strike Team A in position by entrance Alpha.” Alex’s voice sounded over the coms system. The tracker placed on her was turned on in confirmation, making their position known by the west entrance of the warehouse. “Standby for confirmation from Strike Teams B and S.” Replied Winn who was typing in various commands into his computer. Lena leaned over to look at his two computer screens.

“Oh, I already did that.” Lena declared, from her position behind Winn’s shoulder. Winn slowly turned around to look at her, “Okay, first of all, creep. And second of all, bet.”

Lena smirked with victory as she waved her right hand towards the screens above them in a way that screamed, _try me, bitch._

The images she projected was in fact the hacked satellite feed displaying the shady syndicate warehouse. Winn nodded once in approval. “But did you ove-“

Lena held one finger up to his mouth, effectively shushing him and gestured back to the screens. With one click of a button, the satellite feed was now overlaid with the tracker positions on top of it.

Winn looked at the CEO with surprise and held his hand out for a high five with the CEO happily returned. “I like you Luthor, you work fast. We should do a hacking race or something. Hacking Olympics? Hack-off? Wait, no. Not the last one. Sounds too much like jack-of-“

“Strike Team B in position by entrance Beta.” J’onn annoyed over the coms, cutting off the caffeine induced ramble Winn was sent into.

“Saved by the bell, Winn” Lena snarked. The next tracker blinked on the upper right side of the screen, showing the Team near the second East entrance. Winn typed in an update on the mission log. “Okay, next step, Teams A and B, did you place the breaches on the doors yet and calibrate them to the main system.” There were a few moments of radio silence before Alex spoke up once again.

“Breacher A is placed and calibrated. It’s all set for the remote detonation.” Lena, made a small noise of affirmation as she checked to see if the breacher was online.

Lena nudged Winn slightly to get his attention, “It looks all good on our end.” Winn peaked a look at Lena’s left screen and nodded in agreement before he spoke again, “Team A is ready to blow, Team B, what is your status?”

“Team B’s breacher has been placed and calibrated as well. Be advised, we are using the back up 2-B instead of the primary 1-B. There were some discrepancies with 1-B’s tracking, we figured we wouldn’t take the chance.”

Winn frowned grumpily. Upset that his tech was not working as it should. Looks like he either messed up – which was not likely – or someone on tech duty was going to get chewed out. “Copy, Papa Bear. I’ll look into when you get back. Lena did you connect to 2-B?”

The raven-haired woman beside him typed furiously, only grunting out a short, “Ya.”

Winn snorted and pointed wildly behind him, “We need another coffee for grumpy over here.” The agents behind him looked at one another, wondering whose turn it was to run to Noonan’s. “Johnson, isn’t it your turn?”

Johnson looked up offended. “Umm, no. I went two runs ago. It’s Bray’s turn.”

The brunette agent scoffed in disbelief, “I literally just went last time Johnson.” Bray looked around at the other agents before she smiled sadistically. Her hand shot up to her face and placed one finger on her nose. “Nose goes!”

The 7 other agents startled at this challenge and they all raised their fingers to their noses while looking for the last person to do so.

Unfortunately, one agent - Alvarado - was staring at her phone, scrolling through her Twitter feed.

The room collectively ooooohhhhed at her negligence and laughed once she looked up. “Oh, son of a bitch. I hate you guys.”

Alvarado slammed her hand down on the table in front of her and rose out of her chair. She whipped around to the group and glared at them for a solid five seconds before snatching her jacket off of the back of her chair and stalked out of the room heading to Noonan’s.

“Team S, are you in position?” Lena questioned into the coms, ignoring the drama unfolding behind her.

The sound of rushing wind almost managed to drown out Kara’s reply. “Affirmative. Roger, Roger? Uh, yeah. Yup.”

Winn raised one eyebrow in confusion, before shaking his head a few times to clear his thoughts. “Were you able to scan the building?”

The wind had died down a bit on the other end of the coms and this time Kara’s voice came through clear. “I was, I did a quick circle above the building. I found where the kids are. They’re pretty far into the building. I don’t think J’onn or Alex would be able to make there fast enough. There’s around 100 guys between them and the kids.”

Winn hummed in thought. Typing out some calculations into his computer. “Did you get that A and B.”

“Copy.”

“We did.”

Kara tracker blinked on over the north side of the building. Showing Lena and Winn the distance between the Teams and the children _._

_It would take a good while before either team would make it that far into the warehouse. Who knows what the syndicate would do to them in that time._ “Okay Kara,’ Winn spoke up, “the quickest way to get these kids out is to drop in. You will need to handle the criminals until Teams A and B can arrive, don’t start flying them out either. You can’t leave them alone, copy?”

Kara sighed in resignation. That was actually what she was hoping to do. She wanted those kids out of there as quickly as possible. Winn was right, though. She couldn't chance leaving any of them alone.

“Copy. Give me the signal when.”

The tech geniuses stretched out in their chairs for a few moments before leaning forward in their seats. “Alright team. Give them hell in three, two –“ Simultaneously, Lena and Winn activated the two breachers and they sat back watching their team’s trackers go through the two entrances of the building.

* * *

 

Kara could hear the echoes of carnage throughout the building as shots were fired out randomly. People screamed out in a mixture of pain, surprise and desperation as the agents found their marks. She stopped listening when she heard a bullet breach through someone’s skull. The resounding crutch and splat that followed made her stomach turn violently. She shook her head side to side to clear the static noise that seemed to be building in her eardrums and continued her mission.

The five men that happened to be below her when she dropped in looked to be knocked unconscious. Guessing by the weight of her body the debris from the roof, that was the best-case scenario. This gave Kara time to scan her surroundings. The warehouse looked – rotten. Trash was scattered around haphazardly - bottles of alcohol and bags of various junk foods as well as crumpled up papers. A pile of dirty clothes lay on top of the cracked and discolored concrete floor and Kara assumed it was the men’s clothes, typically criminals don’t care too much for hygiene. That was until she noticed the half-burned shirt with a pink unicorn on it. The superhero did not want to explore that pile any further as a burning rage was building in her gut.

Directing her gaze elsewhere, Kara found dirty needles and used condoms.

_Great, I guess I won’t be taking it easy on these guys._

Distastefully, she scanned the surrounding rooms with her x-ray vision.

There were six men in the room to her right, they were interrupted mid card game it seemed and now they scrambled around trying to find their weapons.

The room to her left was the room she needed to protect. There was a mass of bodies, huddled so closely together that it was difficult to see how many were there. But she knew from the outline of the bodies, they were young. Her eyes narrowed as her nose took in various smells. Urine, blood, sweat, tears, and some other scents that she knew but chose not to place in fear of how she would react.

Kara had to force back the anger building up inside her. It felt like fire everywhere at once consuming her, burning her alive. She just needed to make it through this mission, and then hunt down every single person involved with this syndicate and personally make their lives a living hell. Only then would this fire be quenched.

Or so she hoped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone! I know it's been a while and for that I am very sorry. 2018 ended up stealing my lunch money and shoving me into a damn locker. Luckily for you all, I was in there for a good few months and I managed to bust some writing out. (What actually happened) - Me an intellectual: retreats into self and becomes social recluse after losing all of my friends. RIP.
> 
> As always, all errors are mine. I'm sorry if this chapter seems more disjointed than usual. 
> 
> I hope everyone is doing good. If not, that's okay. I still love you :)
> 
> \- Wishing positivity and shit your way, fam.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed, get prepared for the next chapter because I'm going to punch your all in your feels. No hitsies backsies.
> 
> \- LLL
> 
> Argentina: +5402234930430
> 
> Australia: 131114
> 
> Austria: 017133374
> 
> Belgium: 106
> 
> Bosnia & Herzegovina: 080 05 03 05
> 
> Botswana: 3911270
> 
> Brazil: 212339191
> 
> Canada: 5147234000 (Montreal); 18662773553 (outside Montreal)
> 
> Croatia: 014833888
> 
> Denmark: +4570201201
> 
> Egypt: 7621602
> 
> Finland: 010 195 202
> 
> France: 0145394000
> 
> Germany: 08001810771
> 
> Holland: 09000767
> 
> Hong Kong: +852 2382 0000
> 
> Hungary: 116123
> 
> India: 8888817666
> 
> Ireland: +4408457909090
> 
> Italy: 800860022
> 
> Japan: +810352869090
> 
> Mexico: 5255102550
> 
> New Zealand: 045861048
> 
> Norway: +4781533300
> 
> Philippines: 028969191
> 
> Poland: 5270000
> 
> Russia: 0078202577577
> 
> Spain: 914590050
> 
> South Africa: 0514445691
> 
> Sweden: 46317112400
> 
> Switzerland: 143
> 
> United Kingdom: 08457909090
> 
> USA: 18002738255
> 
> I am also available to talk if any of you need a friend to listen. Message me and we can get in contact through text, Kik, Snapchat, or other forms of social media such as Twitter or Insta. Remember that you matter and we all care. AO3 is a not just a community, we are a family. (PS. I am the weird sister.)


End file.
